Penne for your thoughts? Britain’s ‘most boring’ man spends 3.5 hours sifting through Heinz alphabet tins to compare contents
A titan of tedium who loves to bore people to tears with his rambling social media posts has gone viral after sharing the results of his three-and-a-half hour investigation into Alphabetti spaghetti.
John Stitch spent just over three-and-a-half hours delving into two tins of 75p Heinz pasta using tweezers to pluck individual pieces out and compare how many of each letter was in each tin.
The weirdly satisfying-looking pictures shows the results of his investigation undertaken last Friday which showed a vast difference in the numbers of letters in each can alongside a rambling write-up of his pasta adventures.
“The group I post in is about being boring, so on the group I’m the most boring person possible. I do it pretty well.”
“Then I got Deirdre’s tweezers and I picked all the letters out of the strainer and I put them all on a chopping board and when I finished I tipped all the letters back into the pan with the tomato sauce in it and then I did it with the other tin.
Bakery packer John, 50, revealed it took 90 minutes to open, strain and separate the 180 letters from tin one and a further 90 minutes to arrange the 179 letters from tin two onto the chopping board.
“It took about three and a half hours in total to look at the contents – an hour and a half to look at the contents of each tin and then half an hour taking pictures.
Modest John replied: “Thank-you, but there are a lot more people that are better heroes than me because all I did was count some letters in two tins of alphabetti spaghetti.”
“If each letter was a Scrabble tile, with numbers allocated to them, then tin one would win.